On Purpose

As many of you know, one of the things I struggle with is epilepsy, which means having seizures. I have all kinds of seizures, usually they are small and you would hardly be able to tell I was having one. But I have also had the big scary ones that are harder on the family than on me, since I don't remember them.

Sometimes I really hate having bad health.

One of the worst parts of epilepsy is not being able to drive. It's hard to give up the independence that driving brings. (Thankfully my family is great and takes me wherever I need to go).

My friend recently recommended the book, The Grand Weaver, by Ravi Zacharias.  The first chapter is called, Your DNA matters, and it was so relevant to my life, since my doctor had recently done a DNA test on me and he could see in my DNA the reason I've been having seizures.  Here is an excerpt from that chapter...

"To be able to accept the wonder and the marvel of one's own personality, however flawed or 'accidental', and place it in and trust it to the hands of the One who made it, is one of the greatest achievements in life. His 'registration number' is on you. Your DNA matters because the essence of who you are matters and whose you are by design matters.  Every little feature and 'accident' of your personality matter. Consider it God's sovereign imprint on you."

God made me the way I am for a reason. And he made you the way you are for a reason. He can be trusted. There is something specific that he wants me to do that I wouldn't be able to do if I had all the energy in the world and was always rushing around here and there in my car.

Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust...

Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done.

The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; 

we're I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare.

Psalm 40:4-5

I'm looking forward to seeing God's purpose unfold!

Going Gluten Free Simply

Three years ago, after having my first seizures, my doctor recommended that I go gluten free.  At first this was extremely daunting to me, but it has worked out to be not a big deal.  Since many people have to go off of gluten these days, I thought I'd share a few of my experiences with you and pass on what I know, in case you're interested.

Many of the gluten free recipes I have found online seem so complicated, with all sorts of strange ingredients, or they also try to leave out all kinds of other ingredients like eggs or dairy, which don't bother me.  So, since I like simplicity I have found this gluten free flour mix to work very well in many recipes that use baking powder rather than yeast, like quick breads, pancakes, and brownies.  However, I have found that if you do not have eggs in your recipe, it does not work well.  I can substitute gluten free flour for regular flour, or applesauce for eggs in a recipe, but not both!

You can purchase it on Amazon here--  Hodgson Mill Gluten Free Baking Mix

The one place I use it with yeast is in my pizza crust, which is simple.  Here is the recipe--

Gluten Free Pizza Crust

1/2 c. gluten free baking mix
1/2 tsp. yeast
1/4 tsp. salt
1/2 Tbsp. oil
1/4 c. warm water

Mix and spread on greased cast iron skillet.  Bake at 425 for 5-10 minutes, top with favorite toppings and bake 10 more minutes or till cheese is slightly browned.  (serves 1)

Another easy gluten free bread I love that satisfies my bread cravings is this gluten free cornbread mix.  Trust me, it is so good!  It is found at Walmart or online at Amazon here-- Hodgson Mill Gluten Free Cornbread mix

 

Recently a friend gave me a bunch of her gluten free flours that she no longer needed, and I did a little experimenting this week and made some banana bread with them.  It turned out so great I decided to share that recipe with you too.  It will take a few more ingredients, but these can be found at most health foods stores.

 



 

Gluten Free Banana Bread

 

2 overripe bananas

1 c. sugar

2 eggs

3 Tbsp. milk

1/2 c. rice flour

1/2 c. milo (sorghum) flour

1/2 c. coconut flour

1/2 c. tapioca flour

(or you can just use 2 cups regular flour if you don't need to be gluten free)

1/2 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. soda

1 1/2 tsp. baking powder

1/2 c. melted butter

1 tsp. vanilla

1/2 c. chopped nuts

 

Beat together bananas, sugar, and eggs until light.  Stir in milk.  Add flours, salt, soda and baking powder and mix thoroughly.  Stir in butter, vanilla, and nuts.  Pour into greased loaf pan.  Bake at 350 about an hour or till done.

 

I hope this helps someone!  

 

 

Ouch

Our day...

4:00am- alarm clock goes off, reminding me that today is Miss E's surgery day. She is having her tonsils and adenoids removed and tubes in her ears, and then a different surgeon will repair her old g-tube site, since it still leaks.

4:30- we are off on the hour drive to the hospital.

5:45- we arrive in pre-op, where the kind nurses blow bubbles for Miss E and play her princess movies while we go over paperwork.

6:40- I dress Miss E in her hospital gown and carry her down the hall where we leave her to be wheeled away on her hospital bed to anesthesia.  She looked so small and scared in her bed.  It was hard to watch her go...

6:45- we settle in the surgery waiting room and watch her id number on the screen to see how she's progressing, praying all the while that God will guide the surgeon's hands.

9:00- finally they call me back to the recovery room.  Miss E is crying and fighting the nurses who are trying to give her a breathing treatment.  They let me climb on the bed and hold her and she quickly calms down, but they begin her on oxygen since her levels are a bit low.  The nurse is sure we'll need to spend the night.

9:45- the nurses wheel me and Miss E upstairs to our regular room, where we meet up with Andy again.  Miss E is not herself, she acts a little loopy and just rests on my lap.  But they don't restart the oxygen and she does fine.

10:30- Miss E dozes on and off while watching cartoons.  Andy and I read our new Joel Rosenberg books while taking turns holding Miss E.  

12:00- I take a walk across the street and bring back some Chipotle for our dinner.  Miss E tried some applesauce and ate it all.

1:00- the nurse tells us if we can get Miss E to sleep and her oxygen levels stay up we might get to go home today.  We were not expecting that but it sounds good!

1:30- we finally get Miss E to sleep and her oxygen levels are still great!  Now if she can eat some mashed potatoes and not get sick we can go home!

4:00- Miss E wakes up from her nap, her tummy is a little sore and it's hard to wake up.  

4:30- Miss E wolfs down most of her mashed potatoes and more applesauce, things are looking good!

6:00- we receive permission from the doctors to be discharged, and are headed home.

7:00-while waiting on a prescription we head over to get some supper from Braums.  Miss E must be feeling better because she tries to steal Andy's fries!

8:30- we are home, and so glad we didn't have to spend the night in the hospital.  Miss E is subdued and quiet but doing pretty well for all she's been through today!

Lots of Doctor Visits

Little Miss E's health has not been the greatest since she was born.  She has chronic nasal congestion and has trouble breathing, especially while sleeping, among other things.  We have been going to lots of doctor appointments in the last month, trying to figure out what's going on with her.  Well, we have some answers now, thankfully!  She is going to have surgery in a week to get her tonsils and adenoids out and get tubes in her ears.  This won't solve why she's congested in the first place, but it will help a lot with her symptoms.  Last week we found out the results from a food allergy test we had done for her, and it's big.  She's allergic to 41 foods!  Everything from beef to milk to gluten to grapes.  So we are trying to wrap our minds around that and figure out what to feed the poor child.  She's been a good sport about it, although it's pretty hard when you see everyone else getting ice cream and you have to have apples.  Hopefully she will be better in a few years.  I am thankful God has given us good doctors to help us out!

Life is never dull around here...

Another one?

~I love the way the sun shines in the window

on my dish cupboard every morning~

 

God knows just what we need, doesn't he?

 

In my last post I wrote about how if God cares about the little things like our cars, he cares about the big things too, and I am so thankful that he reminded me of that on Tuesday, because that evening I had another grand mal seizure.  I was sitting on the couch braiding Miss E's hair, when I started having an old familiar thought (I don't remember what it is now, I just know it always happens before a seizure starts) and that's all I remember till I "woke up" asking Andy what month it was.  Unfortunately the kids were all there this time so they all saw it and it was scary for them. 

 

I hadn't had a seizure for over three years, so I thought I was past that now.  Andy took me to the doctor yesterday, and he's not sure why it happened either, usually it's if your systems are overloaded then your body goes into a seizure to "reboot".  But, it wasn't immediately obvious what was causing it this time.  Thankfully I am feeling back to my old self already, just a little sore.  The memory problems that I had last time, three years ago, are not there this time, and I am so glad, because I didn't want to forget the whole process of us adopting Miss E!

 

God is good, he provides for us in so many ways, and nothing happens that doesn't first pass by him.  The worst of it all is that now I can't drive for six months...  But I like being at home so we'll survive. (:

 

If you would like to read about my past seizures, here's a link to that post. 

 

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?

Yet not one of them will fall to the ground

apart from the will of your Father.

And even the hairs of your head are all numbered.

So don't be afraid;

you are worth more than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:29-31

 

 

~This photo is from a year or two ago, we didn't

have that much snow this year~

Cold winter, Warm winter

Although we have had our share of cold winter days

and frosty pink mornings, like the one above,

we are enjoying some very warm winter days

this week!  The robins have returned already

and the geese are busy flying overhead from one

pond to another.  We are ready for spring,

even though it's still 2 months till garden planting time.

Life is full these days.  I am now homeschooling

three of our kids, two 2nd graders and a 5th grader.

They do well in school so it makes for a nice morning

usually!  Miss E likes to sit in her high chair and color

or write while the boys do their work.  I do enjoy

the homeschooling lifestyle, it takes so much less time

than regular school, so the kids have much more

time to play and be creative and have adventures.

But homeschooling also takes a lot of my time,

so it's a trade off.  It's working well for now,

but we haven't decided yet about next year.

We would appreciate your prayers for Miss E.

She has had chronic nasal congestion her whole

life.  We found out before Christmas that she was

allergic to milk, eggs, and soy, and so we took her

off those foods and she improved quite a bit.

But now it's worse again, and her breathing sounds

awful, especially when she's sleeping.  The doctor

thinks she probably needs her tonsils removed,

and so we have an appointment with an ENT

doctor, but it's not till March.  I called to see

if we could get in sooner but we can't.  So we

would appreciate your prayers, that Miss E would

get better so that she doesn't need the surgery,

and that the doctors will have wisdom to be

able to figure out what is causing her runny nose

in the first place, thanks!

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,

and I will give you rest.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

for I am gentle and humble in heart,

and you will find rest for your souls.

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

My brain is full

My brain is full-

Thanksgiving is this week, how is it Thanksgiving already?

I think I got all our food bought yesterday, our menu on Thursday

for our family Thanksgiving will be:

Turkey

Mashed Potatoes

Gravy

Cornbread Stuffing

Cranberry Jello

Corn

Cranberry Bread

Apple and Pumpkin Pie

 

We always have a Thanksgiving with just our kids,

we use the good dishes and eat a fancy meal, and it's always fun.

Aren't cardinals in the snow so pretty?  I love their cheery redness.

We got Miss E's allergy test results back.  She doesn't have any

seasonal or indoor/outdoor allergies, but she is allergic to eggs

and is a little bit allergic to milk and soy.  So we are taking out the

eggs for a few weeks to see if it helps.  So far her poor little nose

is still running, but maybe not quite as much.  I'm thankful we at

least have some answers.

Doesn't this old church look so peaceful?  It's the church that the

family who built our stone house attended 100 years ago.

Unfortunately, life isn't usually this peaceful.  We hurt each

other, we ache for those who are hurt, and we live with the

effects of sin daily.  Makes me long for heaven.

See to it that no one misses the grace of God

and that no bitter root grows up

to cause trouble and defile many.

Hebrews 12:15

Allergies???

After writing this, I realized this post is kind of

scattered, like my brain lately...

 

 

Wow, the weather sure changed fast yesterday around here!

We were in town and so we watched the temperature drop while

 we were driving around, it fell 35 degrees in 3 hours!  Made me

wish I had brought my jacket.  So, now we have a fire in the wood

stove, and the kids are rummaging around trying to find their

coveralls, gloves, and hats, while I try to stay indoors!

 

Ever since Miss E came out of the hospital at birth she has had chronic

nasal congestion.  Her nose runs a lot and at night she has trouble

breathing.  So this afternoon we are going to an allergist to get

her tested for allergies.  I'm kind of nervous about it though

because she is so afraid of doctors, she cries and cries every

time we go, and this test requires them to poke a bunch of needles

in her back, with different allergens in them, to see how she reacts.

It takes 2 hours.  Thankfully my Mom is coming along to help

me out and hopefully we can all stay calm throughout.

I am guessing it's a food allergy, but we'll see.

We'd appreciate your prayers, that the doctors would be able

to figure out what the problem is.  Thanks.

 

 

Even though this test won't be any fun I'm thankful that

we have such good medical care.  If we lived 500 years ago

many members of our family would not be here today,

because they would have died from things like ruptured

appendixes or other things that are so easily fixed today.

So there is always something to be thankful for, right?

 

Through all the storms of life, I am so glad that God is

right there beside me.  Lately I read the book, "Let's Roll",

by Lisa Beamer.  Her husband died on September 11, 2001,

on the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania.  She said this,

and I totally agree.

 

"But I have found safety and security in a loving heavenly

Father, who cannot be shaken, who will never leave me

or forsake me, and in whom I can trust completely. For

those looking for hope, I recommend grabbing the hand

of your heavenly Father as tightly as possible, like a little

child does with his parent.  God is a hero who will always

be there when you need him."

 

Therefore, holy brothers, who share in the heavenly

calling, fix your thoughts on Jesus,

the apostle and high priest whom we confess.

Hebrews 3:1

Thank you Lord, for...

 

Pie!

 

I ate my first piece of pie in two years today.  It was so good!

I had to go gluten free back in 2012 because of my health,

and just recently I started eating a little bit of wheat now and

then.  Even though it seems to make me not feel well after I

eat it, I decided to go ahead and have a piece of pumpkin pie

at our family Thanksgiving today, it's just a little crust, right?

Anyways, it was very good. (:

 

Blessings to you as you enjoy Thanksgiving with your families

this week- try not to stress out about the meal and everything

being just right- as long as the food's good everybody will be happy!

 

 

Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men,

for he satisfies the thirsty

and fills the hungry with good things.

Psalm 107:8-9

Not So Easy

~ PD and AJ playing some mini golf ~

 

Sometimes God sends some hard things our kids' way.  It's not easy to watch, and not easy when there's not a whole lot you can do to make it better.  This summer we had a food allergy test done for PD, and we learned that he is allergic to 39 different foods!  No wonder he had not been feeling well.  So, that knowledge has led us to quite the food adventure the past few weeks.  Not being able to use things like onions, milk, eggs, wheat, rice, cheese, or pepper on your food can make things somewhat difficult when it comes to cooking.  Thankfully he can still have steak and potatoes!  (just hold the butter).

 

So yesterday Paul was really hungry for pizza.  But, with not being able to have a crust on the bottom or cheese on the top, it wasn't really possible.  So here was what I came up with to hopefully taste somewhat like pizza.  The ingredients- salted hamburger, corn-based macaroni, pepperoni, homemade tomato sauce (the canned sauce has onions), goat cheese, expensive garlic powder (without additives), and home grown basil.  I threw it all together and baked it awhile.  I think he's been watching too much Master Chef though, because he told me it was pretty good, although the noodles were a little too mushy.  Sorry.

 

He basically can't have any desserts, since he can't have chocolate or milk or flour.  So we let him drink a can of pop a little more often.  (only sprite or root beer though- can't have cola or oranges).  He eats a lot of plain potato chips and fruit (but no bananas or cantaloupe).  When we have chicken, he eats turkey, because he's also allergic to chicken. 

 

The good news is that he only has to be totally off these foods for a set period of time, then we can start introducing them back in.  The hope is that in a year he will be able to be back on everything.  I don't totally understand the science behind it all, but we're trying to kill off the cells that attack these foods.

 

It's been a hard thing for him, eating isn't very fun anymore, as I'm sure you can imagine.  I know he'd appreciate your prayers for strength for him and that he would remember not to eat things people offer him unless it has passed Mom's examination!  We can be thankful that there are doctors who have the ability to figure these things out- and that he will feel better eventually!

 

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:13

A story of God's Grace

 

Fifteen months ago my world was changed.  I had been self-confidently going along in my pride, thinking that I knew the right way to raise a family, the right way to respond to people who did things differently.  I couldn't believe that some people didn't "get it".  But I am learning just how wrong I was- I was the one who didn't "get it". 

 

My world was changed when I started having seizures.  The first few were just small things,  I would feel really tired, lay down on the couch, and not be able to speak for a few minutes.  I didn't know what it was, but figured I should probably go to the dr. about it sometime.  Then the day after Christmas 2011, I had a grand mal seizure.  I was taken to the ER in an ambulance, kept overnight for tests (where they found nothing), and sent home.  I kept feeling bad- stomach aches and extreme fatigue, and I kept having the small seizures.  Then in February 2012 I had two grand mal seizures in a row on the same day.  After another ambulance ride and overnight stay at the hospital, the neurologist gave me some anti-seizure medicine and said most of the time they never figure out why adults have seizures, he diagnosed me with epilepsy and said I would have to stay on the anti-seizure meds the rest of my life.

 

Everything that I had been good at before I could hardly do anymore.  Organizational skills used to be something I could handle easily, and I would always do the bookwork for our business, but now I couldn't even remember where to start.  As a result of the seizures, I couldn't remember much of anything from the last 6 months, and as a result of the anti-seizure medicine, I couldn't think clearly.  It was terrible.  I couldn't even remember how to play piano.  I was so scared of having another seizure.  I would lay in bed, reciting this verse over and over to myself.

 

I have set the LORD always before me.

Because he is at my right hand,

I will not be shaken.

Psalm 16:8

 

I had been homeschooling our children for the last five years, so you can imagine how difficult that was for me now.  We basically just did reading and math last spring, it was all I could do.  Homeschooling our children was something I was convinced was the only way we would ever educate them.  I couldn't believe Christians would be willing to send their kids to public school where they would have so many bad influences.  (sigh). 

 

God opposes the proud

but gives grace to the humble.

1 Peter 5:5

 

God was humbling me big time.  He put me in a position where I could no longer homeschool our kids.  Private Christian school was too expensive, so our only option was public school.  God put me in a place where I had no choice.  All the things I had taken pride in, all my abilities, were gone.  I couldn't be the mother I wanted to be, I was tired almost all the time- so tired I could only lay around.  I had days where I was so weak I couldn't even push the shopping cart through the grocery store.  It was so hard.  Some days I felt like I was probably dying.  I didn't want to die, I have a family to take care of.

 

Thankfully, a lady at church told me about a holistic doctor, who helps people who have had seizures figure out the cause.  So I started going to him about a year ago.  He has helped me tremendously, I was able to go off the anti-seizure medicine that made me feel so stupid, and will soon be totally better.  He found lots of issues in my digestive system that were the cause of the seizures.  I am so glad to have found him.  I still feel weak though.  I don't handle stress as well as I used to be able to.  There are lingering effects from it all.  That's why this verse was so special to me this morning.

 

But he said to me,

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Sometimes I feel so ashamed of my old prideful attitudes.  Our kids are doing so well in public school this year.  Yes, there are bad influences there, but there are bad influences in the whole world.  They are learning how to handle those influences.  They are learning how to relate to people who are different from them, who look at life differently than they do.  All very valuable lessons.  Our school district has some great teachers, and our kids have done very well under them.  God has taught me so much over these last 15 months, and I don't ever want to forget it.  I am so very thankful for God's grace.  The Christian life is not about having all the answers, it's not about knowing the right way to do things and looking down on everyone who does things differently.  It's all about Jesus- He gives us more grace, even when I still don't "get it".

Monster Cookies

Our boys always come home from school hungry- I'm sure it's because they've been studying so hard!  Yea.  So, it is my ambition to always have some lunch ready when they walk in the door, so we can sit around the table and talk about the day a little before they run off to play.  I admit it doesn't always happen, sometimes they just have to look in the cupboard for something, but I try. 

I have been gluten free for 5 months now, and at my last Dr. appointment he said I could start having oatmeal and rice now!  So, I made Monster Cookies for lunch today.  They don't have any flour, just oatmeal, so I can eat them too.  After 5 months without anything resembling a cookie, they tasted awesome!  Here's the recipe--

Monster Cookies

3 eggs
1 1/8 c. brown sugar
1 c. white sugar
1 stick butter
2 t. soda
3/4 lb. peanut butter
4 3/4 c. oatmeal
1 1/4  pkgs. chocolate chips (or use part M&Ms)

Blend eggs, sugars, and butter together with mixer.  Add soda and peanut butter.  Stir in oatmeal, chocolate chips, and M&Ms.  Drop by tablespoons onto greased cookie sheet.  Bake at 350 for 10-12 minutes.

Hooray for feeling good!

Some of the wildflowers blooming in our pasture right now.

(To read the beginning of this story click here).  The last few weeks I haven't been feeling too good.  There have been a lot of "laying on the couch all day" days.  It can get a little discouraging.  Last week the doctor gave me some new pills and they seem to have helped though and the last couple days I have felt better than I have in a long time.  It's so exciting to feel good when you've felt bad for so long!  It seems a little silly to be excited to be able to push your shopping cart all the way through Walmart without wearing out but just last week I couldn't even push it a little ways and this week I did the whole thing myself!  (:

Feeling good and having energy is such a wonderful blessing and I am so thankful to be feeling better this week.  You don't realize what a blessing good health is until it's gone.  God is good and he gives us what we need-- yes, there are days when I am so tired of feeling bad-- but God continues to teach me to rely on him and remember that he is the great Healer.  My doctor is great, but he can't heal me, only God can do that. 

But as for me, I will always have hope;

I will praise you more and more.  Psalm 71:14

How my life has changed this year...

The day after Christmas my life changed.  I have always been really healthy, never thought I was the type of person that would have health problems or end up going to the doctor every week but now that's me.  In the early morning of December 26th I had a grand mal seizure and got my first ambulance ride to the hospital.  After a CAT scan, EEG, and other tests during an overnight hospital stay the doctors determined that they couldn't find anything wrong and sent me home.  I continued having small simple partial seizures at home, and felt bad some days, but I was busy taking care of the family and trying to home school the three oldest kids.  We hoped that it wouldn't happen again.

Then on February 9th I had two more grand mal seizures in the morning and got my second ambulance ride to the hospital.  I spent the night there again and saw a neurologist who put me on anti-seizure meds and told me that most of the time they never can figure out why some people start having seizures.  I wasn't really happy with that answer but didn't know what to think.  Thankfully a lady from our church recommended another doctor to us who is more of a holistic type of doctor.  He has helped lots of people with seizures figure out the cause and he really has helped me.  Through a test he found out that I'm really intolerant of gluten and am not digesting my food well.  There are lots of neurotransmitters in your stomach, so when things aren't working properly down there it can cause seizures. 

So, now I am off of all gluten, including wheat, rye, barley, rice and oats.  I'm also taking pills to help with digestion.  I'm taking 8 pills a day- the only trouble is the anti-seizure pills make me forgetful and I have to remember to take the other pills 15 minutes before I eat and 1 1/2 hours after.  Oh dear.  The hardest time was about 3 weeks after going off gluten, then I really was missing chocolate chip cookies for a few days, but I haven't been missing bread too much at all lately.  I eat lots of corn tortillas and potatoes.  It's all worth it because I feel so much better.  Before I went off gluten I felt yucky, nauseous and tired all the time but now I can go all day and feel good.  It's so nice.  The doctor thinks I should be able to go off the anti-seizure meds in 3-4 months.  That will be so great- I hate feeling so forgetful. 

Andy and the boys have been so supportive and patient with me.  For some reason they didn't want to go off of gluten with me though!  The little boys call my seizures, "ceasars", and one day I was arguing with one of them about something and when they asked, "How do you know?"  I said, "Because I'm smart!"  And he said, "No you're not, you had ceasars!"  I was laughing too much to be upset with him. (:

This has been a really humbling experience for me.  God has been teaching me a lot, and so because of that, I can truly say that having seizures and all that has followed has been a blessing in my life.  It's not the path I would have chosen, but I have definitely learned things I never would have learned otherwise.  A verse that has helped me this spring is Psalm 16:8, "I have set the Lord always before me.  Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."